I've been missing again, though I doubt anyone reading this is someone who's been reading my ramblings for long. You don't build reader loyalty by disappearing unannounced constantly and for long periods of time.

Since I don't want to write a bunch of backstory bullshit though I'm going to pretend you've all been keeping up and I'm just going to jump right in.

After I got out of rehab (old blog here) Hannah, Roth and I moved in together. We stayed in Fort Myers (Florida) since that's where Hannah was born and Roth and I didn't care either way where we were. It was nice for a while: it was 10 minutes from the beach, there was a decent mall, a couple of nicer tattoo parlors, an amazing Chinese restaurant and a Ben & Jerry's.

Hannah started using again almost immediately. It couldn't have been a week after we got out that I walked in on her snorting meth off of the coffee table. She brought an endless stream of girls home from wherever the hell you pick up lesbian crackheads and as the days went on the skanks got progressively skankier. After a little more than a month I didn't even recognize Hannah anymore. She was a beligerent, nasty little dyke and on more than one occassion tried to attack me.

Then around Christmas time she just disappeared. Her stuff was still in the apartment (what she hadn't been able to sell for meth yet anyways) and she never said a word about leaving. I can't say I miss her. I miss the her I met in rehab but not the her I met on the outside.

Roth and I, on the other hand, remained sober. That doesn't mean things weren't fucked up, it just means they were a clearheaded fucked up.

We had this amazing connection and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I loved him. I loved him when we were in rehab together but I wasn't able to admit it to myself until we were free. We had a lot of fun. He was a good listener, he was a snappy dresser and he had a huge cock. Unfortunately he was also apparently gay.

In rehab when we were divulging our inner most secrets to one another he told me that he had sucked cock for drugs. I've known some people to do some seriously desperate shit to get their fix so I took it as nothing more than that.

A few days after Hannah's vanishing act, however, I came home early from work (I was working as an assistant CPA to bring in some money) to find Roth in the living room getting fucked by our neighbors Chris and Mark (whom I had assumed were just roommates up until then).

I don't remember much of what happened after that aside from beating the shit out of Roth while he was still afterglowing from his Chinese-fingercuff routine. He claimed he hadn't known until recently, I said bullshit, he said he loved me, I said bullshit, he asked me to marry him, I tried to stab him.

We went our seperate ways and that was that. I've spent a while getting over it because I really did love him and there was a part of me that wanted to forgive him.

I floated aimlessly for a while and eventually found the job that brought me out here (Northridge in LA). I know I said I'd never work in the porn industry again but goddamn it, the money is good and I already know how to do it, so fuck it.